I learned this parenting concept of making deposits and withdrawals in my teaching at Tennyson Center and it has shaped every interaction I have had with a child since then. The idea is that in our relationships with children we need to make deposits: connections, play, fun, helping a child feel seen and known. We must make these types of relational deposits before we can make withdrawals: corrections, consequences, teaching moments.

Our children need to know that we are more invested in knowing them and connecting with them than "fixing" them. Think of it like a bank account that needs continual deposits in order to make withdrawals, in fact we need to make sure that we do not withdraw more that 20% of the account at a time.

Where is your relational account with your children? With some of our kids it is easy to make deposits. With others withdrawals seem to be happening all of the time.